How to Deal with a Person Who Complains All the Time

We all know people like this — they are always dissatisfied. Low salary, bad coffee, a ruined weekend, or a bad movie — there’s always a reason to complain.

We all know people like this — they are always dissatisfied. Low salary, bad coffee, a ruined weekend, or a bad movie — there’s always a reason to complain. After talking with such a person, you often feel an obligation: to support them, listen, offer advice. But most of the time, all these efforts are in vain. Why? And what can you do about it?

Chronic complainer or someone in a tough spot?

First, it’s important to understand whether you’re dealing with a chronic complainer or someone going through a difficult period. A chronic complainer is someone who is always unhappy, rarely smiles, and shows no interest in your life. Their goal is to use your attention as a resource for their complaints, not letting you change the topic.

Interestingly, complaints are usually not a request for help but a statement of facts. And the real problem causing the dissatisfaction is often deeper than it seems.

Why complaining isn’t always a call to action

Psychologists note that complaints often serve more to establish connection than to find solutions. Sometimes a complainer just wants to “vent,” feel heard, and attract attention. It’s a form of trust being placed in you, and it needs to be handled carefully.

But constant complaining quickly wears down your nerves, causing irritation and even guilt for “losing empathy.” Emotional fatigue is a natural reaction. You start wanting to avoid that person and eventually limit contact.

What to do if the complainer is a friend, relative, or colleague?

Ignoring them isn’t always possible. If it’s someone close or a colleague, you’re forced to maintain the relationship, hear the same complaints, nod, and show sympathy. But you shouldn’t become their permanent rescuer.

Why do complainers complain but don’t ask for help?

Often, chronic complaining is a hidden plea for help. But the person doesn’t know how or is afraid to ask directly. For example, shame over not being able to handle something prevents admitting they need help. As a result, complaints sound abstract, and you have to guess what the real issue is.