How to Recognize Gaslighting and Protect Yourself from Manipulation

Gaslighting is a subtle and insidious form of psychological abuse in which the manipulator causes the victim to doubt their feelings, thoughts, and even their sanity.

Gaslighting is a subtle and insidious form of psychological abuse in which the manipulator causes the victim to doubt their feelings, thoughts, and even their sanity. The term originates from the play and film "Gaslight," where a husband methodically convinced his wife that she was losing her mind. In today's world, gaslighting can occur in both personal relationships and professional environments. How can you tell if you're being gaslit, and what can you do about it? Let's delve deeper.

Signs That You Are Being Gaslit

Constant Doubts About Yourself

The first red flag is feeling uncertain about your actions and thoughts. The victim starts to doubt everything, from decisions they’ve made to their own sanity. You may start questioning your ability to fulfill roles as a partner, parent, or employee. Every action is accompanied by the thought: "Am I doing the right thing?"

Belief in the Partner’s Infallibility

Another indicator is the feeling that your partner's opinion is the only one that matters. The manipulator convinces you that only they know the right way to handle situations. You begin to rely on their judgment, disregarding your own thoughts and feelings.

Constant Inner Tension

On the outside, everything may appear fine, but inside, the victim feels increasing tension. This state doesn’t go away but only intensifies over time. This becomes particularly acute when the person starts avoiding social interactions with friends or colleagues out of shame or discomfort about discussing what’s happening. As a result, the victim becomes socially isolated, making them even more vulnerable to manipulation.

Stages of Gaslighting

Psychoanalyst Robin Stern identifies three stages that a gaslighting victim goes through:

Denial of the Problem

At the initial stage, the victim notices odd behavior from their partner but tries to ignore it. They think it’s a one-time incident that won’t happen again. The victim doesn’t want to devalue the relationship and prefers to believe that things will improve on their own.

Self-Doubt

In the second stage, the victim begins to doubt their perceptions and feelings. They may try to argue with the manipulator, proving their point, but gradually start giving in. The doubts intensify, and the victim begins to believe that the problem lies within them.

Acceptance of "Guilt"

In the final stage, the victim fully accepts the manipulator's perspective. They are convinced that they are wrong or even to blame for everything that’s happening. By this point, the victim can no longer distinguish between manipulation and genuine concern, and they start adjusting to the manipulator's demands, seeking approval.

Tactics Used by Manipulators

Gaslighters use various tactics to achieve their goals:

Denial

The manipulator often asserts that you are imagining things. Phrases like "That never happened" or "I never said that" are delivered with confidence and authority, making you doubt your own memory.

Dismissing Emotions

The gaslighter might say, "You're overreacting" or "Your reaction is inappropriate." These statements lead you to question your emotions and doubt what you’re actually feeling.

Accusations of Insanity

Another common tactic is convincing the victim of their instability: "You’re seeing things" or "You’re not yourself." These statements induce guilt and helplessness, further increasing the victim's dependence on the manipulator.

Shifting Responsibility

The manipulator never admits their guilt. Instead, they shift the blame onto the victim: "This is all because of you." As a result, the victim starts justifying the manipulator’s behavior, believing they deserve such treatment.

Toxic Remarks and "Concern"

The manipulator may use phrases like: "I'm saying this because I love you," followed by hurtful comments. The victim starts to believe that the manipulator genuinely cares for them and becomes accustomed to the constant humiliation.

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

The first step in protecting yourself from gaslighting is recognizing the problem. If you notice any of the above signs, it’s worth paying attention. It’s crucial to maintain your own opinion and trust your feelings. Don’t be afraid to talk about your emotions and discuss what’s happening with loved ones or professionals. Remember: manipulators work behind the scenes, but they can be exposed if you remain attentive to your inner world.

Take care of yourself, and don’t let anyone manipulate your thoughts and feelings.