We all know colleagues, friends, or family members who love to question what we say. After talking to them, you feel drained and your mood drops. The good news: you can handle the situation and stay in control. You can’t change someone else’s character, but you can protect your nerves and maintain your calm.
Here are 8 proven strategies for communicating with people who constantly challenge everything you say.
Don’t take on other people’s emotions
Your conversation partner carries a “suitcase” full of irritation, grudges, and insecurities. They hand it to you—but your job is not to take it. Their anger and negativity are not your responsibility. Harsh words reflect their emotions, not yours. Keep an inner “shield” of calm and don’t take attacks personally.
Pick your battles
It’s not worth arguing about everything—from the weather to who cooks better. Ask yourself three questions:
Is it really important to discuss this?
Will there be consequences if I stay silent?
Do I need to set boundaries right now?
If the answer is “no” to all three, just smile, shrug, or say: “Well, everyone has their own opinion.” Engage only when it matters: your responsibilities, money, or personal boundaries.
Stick to facts, not emotions
If the conversation is unavoidable, don’t get dragged into arguments. Separate fact from emotion. For example, if a relative says: “You can’t do anything, go get the groceries,” the fact is they don’t want to go themselves; the emotion is the insult and irritation. Calmly respond: “Are you asking me to go to the store?”—and the conversation immediately loses its edge.
Avoid a defensive stance
It’s natural to want to defend yourself, but this makes you “vulnerable.” Stay calm: “I understand that upset you,” “We have different viewpoints,” “Okay, let’s leave it at that.” Don’t attack personally or defend every word—staying composed defuses tension faster than anything else.
Set boundaries
Some things are non-negotiable: shouting, insults, humiliation. Use phrases like:
“Let’s discuss this without shouting or insulting”
“Let me finish, then you can speak”
“Let’s take a break and revisit this later”
If boundaries are repeatedly violated, you have the right to end the conversation or distance yourself.
Try friendliness
Sometimes, aggression can be defused with kindness. A smile, compliment, or light joke helps ease tension. For example: “You’re arguing especially passionately today.” The key is to speak without sarcasm and consider the person’s character.
Call out what’s happening
If the conversation turns into a fight, gently point out what you notice:
“It seems we’re attacking the person, not the point”
“This is starting to feel like a pointless argument”
“Let’s come back to this when we’re calmer”
Focus on the situation, not labeling the other person.
Use questions and pauses
The smartest tool is silence. When you don’t answer immediately, the other person feels awkward. Ask clarifying questions: “What exactly do you mean?” or “Why is this important to you?” Then stay quiet—let them explain themselves. Sometimes it helps to postpone the discussion until tomorrow. Conflict needs two participants—if one steps out, it dissolves.
