How Often Should You See Your Girlfriend If You Don’t Live Together?

We feel an incredible, unmatched joy when we spend time with the girl we love. However, between a busy schedule and the need for independence, it’s easy to wonder: are we spending enough time together, or are we meeting so often that it could harm the relationship?

We feel an incredible, unmatched joy when we spend time with the girl we love. However, between a busy schedule and the need for independence, it’s easy to wonder: are we spending enough time together, or are we meeting so often that it could harm the relationship? There is no universal answer to how often you should spend time with your girlfriend if you live separately. But there are several things to consider to help you figure out the best approach.

What phase of the relationship are you in?

The frequency with which you meet your girlfriend can depend on the stage of your relationship.

New relationships

In new relationships, you often want to spend as much time together as possible to get to know each other and build intimacy. At this stage, it's important to meet relatively frequently, at least once or twice a week, to keep the spark alive and build trust.

Established relationships

Once you move past the initial romantic rush, the challenge becomes maintaining interest and connection. Too much interaction at this stage may give the impression that you’re clinging on too tightly. If you’ve been dating for over five months, it’s better to plan fewer, but more meaningful and exciting dates, perhaps once every two weeks.

Serious relationships

In serious relationships, where emotional connection is strong, it's a good idea to meet more often. It’s important not just to have fun but also to engage in deep conversations, plan for the future, and foster physical closeness. This is the period when you might start considering moving in together.

How far apart are you?

Another factor that can help you answer how often to see your girlfriend is the distance between you.

You’re far apart

If there are thousands of kilometers between you, it’s hard to meet every week. To make a long-distance relationship work, aim to visit each other every two to three months and stay connected via video calls and phone conversations. You might also plan joint vacations or holiday visits.

You live in the same city

If you live close to each other, find a meeting frequency that works for both of you. You don’t need to see each other every day, but meeting too rarely can also harm the relationship.

Your girlfriend’s attachment style

Her attachment style is another key factor in how often she might want to see you.

Anxious attachment

If your girlfriend has an anxious attachment style, she’ll want to see you very often. She needs constant reassurance of your feelings and quality time alone with you. Try to be with her as often as you can, but be careful not to fall into codependency.

Avoidant attachment

Girls with an avoidant attachment style don’t enjoy frequent meetings. They appreciate attention and time together, but only in limited amounts. This doesn’t mean she’s not into you or looking for someone else; she just doesn’t have the emotional energy to be with you 24/7.

Relationship status

How often you need to see your girlfriend largely depends on the state of your relationship.

When things are going well

When there’s harmony and happiness between you, you’ll feel that everything is fine, even if you don’t see each other every day. These meetings can be rare but still meaningful and enjoyable.

When there are issues

If there are problems in the relationship, it’s time to spend as much time together as possible and address the issues. If you distance yourself, hoping things will fix themselves, you might end up losing the relationship.

Personal commitments

Both of you have personal projects that demand attention. This is another crucial factor in how often you should meet.

If she’s free

If neither of you is swamped with tasks or schedules, you can meet as often as you both want.

If she’s busy

It’s important to meet less often so she has enough time to focus on her own goals. Show patience if you want to build a strong bond.

Remember, you may also need space to handle personal challenges. Giving each other time for personal projects demonstrates true love, support, and care.