Why putting others down can make you feel better (and why it's a trap that's hard to escape)

There is an uncomfortable truth rarely spoken out loud: sometimes a person doesn’t feel better because of success, achievement, or solving a problem — but because someone else nearby is “worse”.

And in that moment, putting others down works like a quick form of emotional doping. Short, powerful, but followed by a backlash that always comes later.

Let’s break it down without moral lectures or self-deception: why it happens and what’s really behind the feeling of “becoming stronger”.

Illusion of power: “I control the situation”

When something in life is out of control — work is unstable, relationships are breaking, money is tight — the mind looks for compensation.

And the fastest way to get it is to place someone below you.

Criticism, sarcasm, pressure, or mockery are not always truly about the other person. Often, they are an attempt to prove to yourself:
“I’m still on top.”

The problem is that this is not real power. It’s an imitation — like a fake key that only opens the illusion of confidence.

A mask of confidence hiding insecurity

The more a person humiliates others, the more they try to silence internal noise.

That voice reminding them of mistakes, weaknesses, and unmet expectations.

And instead of dealing with it honestly, the easier shortcut is to find someone “worse” and feel more stable in comparison.

It works… but only until you’re alone with yourself again.

Emotional release: energy without direction

Anger, irritation, exhaustion — this is energy. If it’s not directed into sport, conversation, or action, it will still find an outlet.

Sometimes — through putting others down.

The problem is that in that moment, the person solves nothing. They simply “release pressure” onto a random target.

And yes, it feels better. But only briefly. Like opening a valve on an overheated boiler: the steam escapes, but the cause remains.

Envy you don’t want to admit

One of the most toxic emotions is not rare — it’s just hard to admit.

It’s easier to say: “nothing special”, than to honestly admit: “I wish I had that, but I haven’t achieved it yet.”

Then defense kicks in: devaluation.

Other people’s success becomes “luck”, “coincidence”, or “overrated”.

But here’s the truth: devaluing others doesn’t bring you any closer to your own success.

The need to be right at all costs

Some people don’t just dislike losing an argument — they see it as a threat to identity.

That’s why humiliating becomes easier than debating.

So the illusion is born: if I “crush” someone’s opinion, then I must be right.

But truth doesn’t depend on volume or harshness of words.

And the more a person crushes others, the less interested they are in reality.

Social validation: the toxic currency of groups

Sometimes humiliation isn’t a personal choice, but a ticket into a group.

Where sarcasm toward the weak is entertainment.
Where humiliation is called a “joke”.
Where belonging matters more than honesty.

And that’s when the most dangerous feeling appears: belonging at any cost.

The problem is that the price is always included. You just pay it later.

Projection: when you see yourself in others

Sometimes a person criticizes in others exactly what they refuse to accept in themselves.

Envy, weakness, fear, aggression — all of this gets labeled as “their problem”.

But in reality, it’s a mirror.

And the more someone else’s behavior triggers you, the more important it is to look inward.